My Bathing Suit Told Me to Hit The Gym; My Sweatpants were Like 'nah girl, you're good'
Oh both of us are gaining weight. My jeans are really tight... When times are bad (feeling lazy) I'd tell myself that the person who will look damn good when I go hit the gym is myself. Think banging body Lee Hyori.
Life is pretty epic right now. I'm kissing my retail career's ass goodbye and am looking into something new. It doesn't look pretty good but I keep on going.
House hunting commences again. The BF is keen to get a bigger space so he can have his own office whilst I a bigger kitchen like this. Look at that color palette. My dream kitchen will be of this color palette. Ah so nice...
Rae wrote @ 23:53
Staying positive has been my stance for the past months but I'm starting to feel many things are starting to look like a mockery to me.
I've had enough of this shit.
Rae wrote @ 15:43
If You Don't Want To Find Out...
Then don't do it.
I would like to get these stuff off my chest. They are the reasons and voices in my head that have affected what and why I've done and felt.
To me, to cheat on your loved one is harder to do than being faithful to them. However, life proved me otherwise, it is easier to cheat. And people go great distance to do it. TV showed it, real life showed it. Why can't they go great distance to remain faithful?
Cheating is a simple yet complex business. There are many 'reasons' to why. They might haven't been happy in their existing relationship. There is always someone better out there. Where do we draw the line?
I'm very sensitive when it comes to this. I have had my own shares of getting cheated on. I'm not proud of it and like I've mentioned too many times before this, I often wondered why the hell did I have to always end up with cheating guys. And my consolation will always be 'I've must have done something like that in past life' or 'I wasn't the best'. The latter was something that played in my mind which I sometimes refuted because I didn't think I deserved to be cheated on due to that.
Rae wrote @ 00:23
Being honest doesn’t mean bringing things up when convenient, it means making the effort to come forward with the information. And I hate when people feed me watered down facts. Just wanna put it out there.
I've been questioning myself a lot lately. I've always been honest but some people just can't or just won't so I'm beginning to wonder if I should give them the same level of honesty. Do they deserve my honesty?
Rae wrote @ 22:47
Everyday We're Kimchi-ing
We have been having Korean meals everyday since last Friday when the BF's mom and aunt came to visit (they cooked every night). Although it's regular for them, I found our dinner very elaborate; the dining table was full of banchan. I particularly enjoyed the doenjang jjigae (soybean stew) the aunt made. And also a worth mentioning beverage that they brought all the way from Korea, sikhye (malt drink with rice).
Kimchi jjigae (kimchi stew) and miyeok guk (seaweed soup) plus a variety of banchan. There was another tray of banchan not pictured - kong jang (simmered black bean in soy cause), kkaenipjangajji (perilla leaf, a bit difficult to eat for me), manul jjangachi (pickled garlic, I like) and gochu jjangachi (pickled hot pepper, a bit too spicy)
Chocolates BF's mom brought from Germany for me :D
We went to the skybridge at KLCC. Visited the former palace (loved the King's and Queen's individual bathroom) and brought them to enjoy fish spa and massage. We also tackled Batu Caves, birdpark and Thean Hou temple. I thoroughly enjoyed their visit but it's unfortunate that I wasn't able to converse with them as they couldn't really speak English.
In order to learn Korean faster and making it more interesting, I've been marathon-ing on the variety show, Family Outing. Korean language is not easy, that I will say for now. I found myself mixing up with Japanese when I try to guess the words the cast would say.
Lee Hyori. I love this girl!
Rae wrote @ 20:35
Hawaii Five 0 is awesome. Spent a couple of days on Hawaii Five 0 marathon while the BF is away for work (Can't help but noticing the resemblance between Daniel Dae Kim and the BF).
The cast was great and I particularly enjoyed watching the character, Sang Min. His Hong Kong accent was just hilarious. Grace Park was brilliant however knowing that Grace and Daniel only signed for 4 seasons instead of 7 seasons (O'Loughlin & Caan) is a bit discouraging. Grace's airtime was also cut and was filled by Agent Lori (I don't particularly like her - I wonder if Grace was the one unable to commit to it since she resides in Vancouver) plus she was almost got killed off. A huge relief for me to see more Grace/Kono in season 3 but I don't know. I don't feel secure. And I also look forward to see more of Lindsay Price, I hope her character stays.
After spending a few days catching up on H50, I'm very much tempted to play with Hawaiian cuisine
in fact I'm preparing a meal list now. Also it's good to know that it hits pretty close to home; the cuisine is heavily Asian-influenced and a little here and there. And it's good to know I've cooked some of them, for instance, sata andagi
. I'm excited.
Rae wrote @ 20:09
Oh What. It's About Me, Me, Me.
Many a time I felt almost neglected. Many a time I felt lost. Many a time I felt I was unheard.
Both of us felt trapped. I trapped him with my trust issue and neediness whilst he trapped me with not communicating with me.
I do wish sometimes he would show how much he cares. I wish he had more patience with me. I wish he would take the initiative to talk to me. Not just talk. A real talk to see if I'm alright. I wish I could get past this trust issue soon. I wish he could listen to what I've said and remember them. I wish he knew what to say when I felt insecure. I wish I wasn't this insecure. I wish he read this and understood me better. I wish I had better way to tell him. I wish he would talk to me more.
I wish he never reply me with 'I don't know' each time I ask about us. I would want to give him the assurance that I would work things out but I feel I can't say that because he can't say it himself. My insecurity feeds from his uncertain answers. I wish he knew the power he has over me. But I guess I can't expect that anymore when shit get twisted this way.
If his uncertainty remains, I would have to make the strongest and toughest decision in my entire life to save both of us.
Rae wrote @ 01:22