For Girls Only
Ah, I should start breathing good in, breathing nasty out.
They made their decision and I shall respect it. I saw it coming anyway.
Enough of that, I finally went to that free Bobbi Brown make up lessons. I splurged quite a bit on their products months before and I became a member thus the make up lessons. My make up artist, Noel, is just fabulous.
So today's lesson was brows and eyes. He taught me how to do the contour thing but it was kinda shit on me so he threw in extra lesson; smokey eyes. Yes, finally. I tried smokey for years and I only succeeded just once for the record.
A slut picture is obligatory, of course.
He used Forest 6 and Sage 4 with Long Wear Cream Shadow Sandy Gold 04 as base (he chose cream cos my eyelids tend to be oily), Beige 17 as the highlight and Graphite 15 eyeliner. I was a bit apprehensive when he suggested green but hey, it worked on me. And the magic thing that made the makeup pops is the Eye Brightener which doubles as an instant concealer. It's my favorite thing right now. I opted out foundation and powder cos they do funky stuff to my skin. Blusher is my own The Body Shop Cheek Colour 10 Sweet Nutmeg. One trick I learned to pop the cheeks out is to apply all the way to the temple. Lips are discontinued The Body Shop Lipstick 07 and Bobbi Brown Metallic Lip Color Beige Gold 5, another personal favorite.
So, from here, I consider two products as the essential things you and I should have in our makeup bag apart from the basics (mascara, eyeliner, eyebrow pencil, blusher and the la la la):
1. The Eye Brightener: doubles as concealer and it's fuss free! Minimum blending required.
2. Metallic Lip Color Beige Gold 5: I absolutely love this color. You can wear it on its own for nude look or apply them on brighter shades. Alternatively, you can get Tinted Lip Balm in Champagne for a more subtle hint of shimmer.
I look forward to the free makeover next week. *Giddy*
Labels: Conspicuous Consumption
posted by Rae @ 22:57
------------------------------
It's The Time of The Year
Happy fucking birthday.
It's also the day I found out I was not invited to a very close friend's engagement party. I did what I did and somehow it has made me feel like I'm a leper.
Never knew.
But I will never ever forget how they came to my rescue that day.
The feeling of sadness and loss reaches another new level.
Labels: Life
posted by Rae @ 00:55
------------------------------
When Love is As Strong As Death
D, a high schoolmate, is getting married soon. She kept me company via MSN when I was doing graveyard shift while she was in France doing her Masters. We talked a whole lot of shit and it was great. Anyway, what I wanna share here is her pre-wedding shoot. It is gorgeous and very unconventional, something that I'd like to have for my own. Instead of the old skool over-commercialized photoshoot, they opted for casual t-shirt and jeans with bouquet of flowers as prop. Click the pic below to view the whole album. It made me go W-O-W.
Also just wanna share a favorite Bible verse of mine that will probably serve as my wedding vow:
Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm; for love is strong as death; jealousy is cruel as the grave; the coals thereof are coals of fire, which hath a most vehement flame. Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it;
if a man would give all the substance of his house for love,
It would utterly be condemned.-Song of Solomon 8:6-7
GNB version which is more understandable to me.
Close your heart to every love but mine;hold no one in your arms but me.Love is as powerful as death;passion is as strong as death itself.It bursts into flame and burns like a raging fire.Water cannot put it out;no flood can drown it.But if anyone tried to buy love with wealth,Contempt is all they would get.-Song of Songs 8:6-7
Labels: Life, The Art of Love and Relationship
posted by Rae @ 02:14
------------------------------
Revelation of a Singlehood
This is Yang and Xuan, my aunt's kids and I love them no doubt.
However babysitting them for the past few days proved to be something else. They are not demanding per se but they sure require a lot of attention and patience. The latter a lot more. Not only that, I have to be careful of what and how I say and explain things to them.
Being a true blue cancer, family and kids are my ultimate pride and joy. Well, I don't think I'm gonna want that in any near future. I ABSOLUTELY love having no kids at this time.
Improved with Polarize on White Boy.
Labels: Life
posted by Rae @ 17:07
------------------------------
Resurrect to the New Groove
I realised why I lost my groove and love for dancing in the club. The scene has definitely changed.
The crowd is getting surpremely younger. Ok, in other words I'm
getting older seeing a lot more of the world.
I'm a mainstream chick, meaning I love PCD, Nelly Furtado, Timbo and the gang. Yes, more of R&B pop. It's shifted to dance/electropop/whatchamacallit nowadays, e.g. Sean Kingston's Fire Burning and Craig David's Insomnia. I love Craig David but his music's changed definitely. I find it hard to dance to it. Also, the dance style in the club evolved to something less sensual. It's that
Mat & Minah Arip thing, I don't know how to describe it. It looks like one of the Malay traditional dance fused with House moves. I really don't know.
However... I did find something that revived my passion for dancing; Kat Deluna. Clubs have been spinning quite a fair bit of latin-influenced tunes. SG girls should start hip-rolling or reggaeton to complement.
Addendum: I must add this. For the past two months, I've been hearing this instead while in the club:
You can talk all you want but my skin is really thickI'm the leader of a crowd and my game is really slickI'm LollipopLollipopLollipopLollipopYeah Kat's
Lollipop. I think I have a hearing problem too... :)
Labels: Life
posted by Rae @ 04:22
------------------------------
They Made it Big
Heineken dudes wowed me with this ad at Orchard train station.
Labels: Conspicuous Consumption
posted by Rae @ 23:02
------------------------------
Victims of Humankind
So China's gonna impose that one pooch per home thingamajig next month. Current multiple dog owners will have to choose one to keep and give up the rest.
OH. MY. GOD.
I cannot believe it. How are they gonna do it man? I can't imagine if I have to choose one from my three stooges and let go the other two. How to choose? Scissors-paper-stone?
Cabutan bertuah?
Next, the golden question; what's gonna happen to the ones that are being let go?
I don't even wanna go there.
Chinese are cruel.
Humans are cruel.
Labels: Randoms
posted by Rae @ 10:49
------------------------------
Swings Like The Pendulum
Just when I thought I became stronger, my emotions swing like mofo that I cannot handle them anymore. It's up to the point where I no longer enjoy what I loved doing. A night out last night ended in a shit way. Lexapro doesn't even help anymore. I can't control and have let it manifests my being.
Three years ago, I was a rubbish among the society (sampah masyarakat), a.k.a. unemployed. I had the worst birthday and I was having suicidal thoughts. No kidding.
Two years ago, I became too cocky and somewhat became a third party. Got out from the sticky mud without casualty.
A year ago, my life took a great turn. I had a great job, moving to a really nice place. But was stuck in a superficial relationship with a younger guy who was insecure.
Now, I'm loss at words. What I can say is that again, my life takes another greater turn but this time, the can of worms was opened. All shit and nasty were unfold. I finally recognised my problem. A problem that started three years ago and unknowingly escalated to something bigger over the years. A problem that needed professional assistance.
After this week, everything will be moving really fast. I'm not one who always asks for miracles. This time, just this time. I really hope for it.
And yes, I have to let go of that person. That person who's been haunting me since last year. I need a closure. I want to be happy again.
Labels: Life
posted by Rae @ 01:18
------------------------------
The Fight of Faith
Be a positive thinker.
Become more optimistic.
Do something new or travel elsewhere.
Talk to a close friend.
I heard them all.
I applied them all.
And they all didn't work.
No one really knew what was going on with me. Perhaps they knew something was wrong but I put up too good of a facade. People wondered why hadn't I said anything. How could I? I didn't even know what it was.
For instance, I have never said this out but I hated eating alone so much that I'd skip meals. The ex had always teased me that I was just too lazy. But he never knew. How could I tell him that I hated eating alone? I didn't wanna sound crazy or clingy or desperate.
Despite dating on and off, I dealt with solitude for nearly three years now and solitude can do funny stuff to the brain. I've tried to be optimistic. I really did, just run through my archive and you'll know. But somewhere along the way and with the things that were happening, I lost control and I fucked up. A series of events fucked me up completely that I no longer know or realise what I was doing. I reflected on the last couple of months. I reflected on how I lived by at that time. It was work, home, work, home, work, home. Unknowingly, I cut all communications. I didn't talk to anyone outside work. During day offs, I'd coop myself up. There's nothing to look forward to. No phone calls. No texts. I even stayed offline on Live. Little did I know such reclusion would cost a lot.
I have major depression along with bulimia and anorexia slipping in and out depending on my mood. Good thing is that I don't starve myself anymore. Bingeing is harder to fight off though and depression is another level of battle. Sometimes I'll feel good and at times I'll just feel lousy. Real lousy that life's just better without me. I even sought a few psychics and a palmist to obtain a peace of mind. Just a couple of days ago, I sought a reiki healer and I was given a goal which I don't think I like. But that is still not enough. I had to find another way. And I found it. I found it in the house of god.
Last Saturday was the day I went to the house of god after for almost 8 years. The sermon that day was Fight of Faith for a strong congregation of 1000 but I felt like the pastor was talking to me. Just me. I knew God was trying very hard to reach out to me. He always had his hands reached out for me, I just never reach mine out. I pounded the nails into Jesus' palms and His feet with my every sin. His Son paid the price for my sins so I could be made right with the Lord.
From now on when I shed my tears, they will no longer be tears of sorrow and pain. They will be the tears to mourn the passing of my old self. Today is the day I was reborn with new faith in the Lord and Jesus Christ. Today is the day Lord Jesus Christ took my pain and my sorrow away. Today is the day that I'll put up a good fight of faith. Today is the day that I'll remember not to be the person I used to be and not to be the person without a heart. Today is the day that I start winning when faith swings like the pendulum with fear and doubt. Fear and doubt are my Goliaths but with Jesus backing me up, I'll be David. I pray in the name of Lord Jesus Christ. Amen.
Labels: The Art of Love and Relationship
posted by Rae @ 21:51
------------------------------
Truth
No matter what kind of ending we create, the heart is a mystery
This is the truth that closes in like darkness
No matter what kind of world we create, tomorrow is yet to be seen
As pure as the untainted lily
While our wishes remain transparent
-Arashi
Labels: Life
posted by Rae @ 22:34
------------------------------
I Can't Figure it Out...
...why it hurts so bad I can't put them in words.
I'm scared for myself.
Somebody. Please. Help.
Labels: Life
posted by Rae @ 01:34
------------------------------
A Mighty Heart and A Giving Soul
I need to brag and rant for a bit before going straight to my point.
First, I finally did my 10km after so many donkey years. The last time I did a 10km was when I was still staying downtown. When was that? A year ago? Two years ago?
Ok, next. Rant time. I cannot stand it anymore. I fucken cannot stand these fucken cyclists on pedestrian walks anymore. I just don't understand it. I always get a ring or two from these fucken cyclists when I'm piling up my mileage, as if their grandfather owned the fucken pathway. It was a shock for me when I discover people cycle on pedestrian walks in Singapore. Back in Malaysia, we cycle on the road like the rest of the countries in the world. It's called PEDESTRIAN walk, by the way! ARGH! And another thing! Singapore pedestrians can't walk in a straight line I swear! I have to swerve left, right and centre a la Eyeshield 21 and sometimes have to stop my run so I could go pass them! You have no idea how frustrating it is especially when you are on a good power run and some shithead is walking in front of you like a fucken drunken oompalumpa. Argh. No, I don't like to run in the gym. I
hate don't like sweating in an air-conditioned place so save your breath asking me to go to the gym.
Done with that.
*Deep breath*So I was youtubing an Angelina Jolie interview and she spoke the truth. She was asked about how to be a better world citizen and what she said was a spot-on.
You have to figure out about what you genuinely care about.
I found my calling and it's quite an easy one really. It's dogs. Though I contribute via (RED) and World Vision but it's dogs that always affect me the most. So when the time's right I'm gonna do something about it. And yeah, I urge you guys. Like Ms. Jolie said, '
find that thing that get you drawn to, follow that and stick to it for the rest of your life and it'll be a true joy.'Think about it. God gives you guys so much so maybe it's time to give back.
Labels: Life
posted by Rae @ 00:46
------------------------------
Absofuckinglutely Not Independent. WTF
That bastard ex told me I was too dependent few years back and he said it was one of the reasons why I fucked up and he cheated.
I took a different course in life afterwards. I did things on my own. I didn't ask for help if I could do it myself. I paid my own bills. I ate alone. I did my groceries and shoppings alone. I went to Ikea alone and hurled the trunkload of stuff myself. Heck, I even moved to a new place myself, without anyone helping. I managed my emotional roller coaster alone, I hardly find a shoulder to cry on. The only time I remembered needing it was when I was struggling with the playa a year back. And yeah, also the time when I broke up on my birthday. Otherwise, it's just me, myself and I. Or so I thought.
After 3 years, I was told again I was not independent. I don't understand it anymore.
Labels: Life, The Art of Love and Relationship
posted by Rae @ 19:27
------------------------------
They Watch Me Go Down From Top of The Pole
I was told many a time that I'm someone who gets addicted to things easily but I rather see it as I tend to be over passionate about things.
As of now, I'm passionate about pole dancing and getting a 45mm X-Pole for myself is swimming through my head happily. I know it's not the right time so it's gonna be in my birthday and christbo list. I think it's a good distraction for me at this critical time and it does good things to my physical appearance.Pole dancing is considered an extreme sport and has a high dropout. One of the girls in my class has terminated and another is quitting after finishing level 1. The other isn't sure yet but she looked pretty discouraged. Mind you, We're just on our 2nd of the 6 lessons. Girls started pole dancing because they think it’s easy yet it is not. Not many are talented in pole dance. So, if you’re serious about learning it, you are going to deal with lots of frustrations, bruises and soreness. And not everyone is ‘gifted’ in pole dance. Why I say that? That's because of sweaty hands. It's a killer cos it's hard for you to grip the pole. You have wipe the pole every other minute. An article has it that at least 80% of the pole dancing students have suffered from sweaty/slippery hands at some point. And they provided 5 tips for dealing with it and keep you hanging onto that pole!
1. Just relax!Take a de
ep breath try to relax. Simple, but it works. The more relaxed your muscles are, the less stress you will feel and the drier your hands will become. Concentrate on your breathing – slow the rate right down. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth a couple of times in a row. Focus on filling your body with oxygen and energy and then go for it!
2. Take a break
Sweaty hands are much more of a problem when people are learning new moves – this is the most common problem mentioned beginners’ classes. Even advanced students start to get sweaty hands when learning new moves.
Alternate between exercises - focus on leg moves, then arm moves - or just take a quick break.
It's all too easy (far top easy) to get carried away with pole work, but - as with any form of exercise - it's important to pace yourself, particularly if you're just starting out.3. Practice makes perfectWhen you learn a new move, you’ll start to develop a muscle memory of the most effective way to perform it. You’ll end up placing a lot less strain on your hands – and gripping better – simply because you’re moving more efficiently.
As you practice and build up your repertoire, you’ll find you learn how to grip the pole better to stop yourself sliding. Of course your hands will also get much stronger, which helps a lot too!4. Don't moisturizeOk, this may seem obvious, but you’d probably be amazed how often people forget because it just forms part of their daily routine. Sunscreen is also a common problem during the summer months.So if you have used any moisturizer or creams, make sure you give your hands a good scrub with soap before jumping on a pole.5. Keep your pole cleanA lot of people tend to over grip the pole when they first begin pole dancing. If you are just starting out, you may end up losing quite a bit of skin from your hands and legs and leaving an icky residue on the pole.This is quite normal and, as you progress, you’ll learn to relax your grip naturally as you become more confident with your pole work.But just make sure you keep the pole nice and clean in the meantime! A firm wipe down with a clean towel should do the trick nicely.Anyway, something irrelevant, a picture to ease the eyes; Gwen looking awesome. Love those Ann D boots.
Labels: Life
posted by Rae @ 15:23
------------------------------
The Lord Never Leave Us Lonely When We Lose One
So I received a letter today. A letter is me in its content. And it is... sigh, MORBID. It sounds absolutely morbid that it brought me to tears. It shits me to no end.
On another note, a twisted incident led me to meet a man who has seen life. A man who's gone through trials and tribulations that life offers. I have so many things shitting in my head that I knew not where to start. To me, multi-tasking is one of the survival skills. I tried to tackle all at once but he said something that shook me;
There's only one Rae.I hope I'll remember that.
Labels: Life
posted by Rae @ 00:33
------------------------------
Something Wicked This Way Come
I'm up doing something yummy again.
posted by Rae @ 14:14
------------------------------
Two Left Feet. And If I Could, I Would
Salsa Styling, so far, proved that I have two left feet and two left arms. Yeah, me. My arms and feet
were all over the place you'd be wondering 'What the hell are you doing, Rae?' I was struggling big time you have no idea. All those flossing grooves to mainstream tunes at the club don't really work here.
I'd wanna add that pole dancing is easier than this. Painful, but no doubt easier and more fun. I'm not feeling the music either. Plus my pole dancing instructor is nicer than my salsa instructor and the salsa class I'm in is a tad too big, last count was 12 pax, compared to my nice 4 pax pole. If I could, I'd commit myself to pole dancing long term. If I could, I'd fit a pole in my room. For practice and (other purpose too, i know you know). If I could.
Speaking of 'If I Could', Flo Rida's Rewind featuring Wyclef is dominating the airplay on my iTunes and iPod. It's my current ringtone on White Boy as well. The song tells me something although of the different ground.
If I could, I'd pull it up and rewind. I'm not talking about death like the song did, I'm referring to the things I've done and should have done.
My time's running out. I'm going to miss a lot of things. There are things I'm not ready to give up yet but because of my actions, I have to bear the consequences. I wish I had recognized what was wrong and acquire help earlier but I guess this is how life is for me. Fuck, I wish I knew what was I doing back then. A big part of me died in my very own hands.
I have an option to make things somewhat easier but it takes an open mind. With the current state of mind, I'm not sure how.
My life might be paused for a while, I might be gone for a while and after, it's gonna take a 180 degree turn. It's back to basic and right from bottom again. I'm not complaining. I'm trying to muster all the strength to go on. And I need to find my direction. But it can be kinda hard when you are doing it by yourself. It meets futility when I try to reach out. Then I have to resort to look for another source for support. But it's a source that will bring me life and death. The elixir and the poison.
I don't want to live in regret anymore. I don't want to be in this shit anymore. I can't anymore. Goddamit if I got myself into this shit again, I'd off myself. I really would.
Labels: Life, The Art of Love and Relationship
posted by Rae @ 02:56
------------------------------
Big Time for Rae the Tycoon
I love computer games. Who doesn't, really. I used to clock massive hours on The Sims and Suikoden series. Now that I have too much free time on hand, I've been downloading heaps of games to White Boy and play them til my battery kronks out. One particular weird game I got addicted to is Fish Tycoon.
It sounds kinda boring and weird, you are basically running a fish-breeding store and sell those fish while try to breed as many types of fish you could. So far, I've successfully bred 107 breeds (it says there are 300 breeds available) and 3 out of the 7 magic fish but it feels like wearing a thong that's too small for my ass cos I'm playing the free version so I've only got one breeding tank instead of 2. A googly on google for cheatcodes got me torrenting the pc version that has infinity amount of Isola bucks so I'm a very happy person right now. Imagine starting a business with no worries of the capital. So bye, I'm off on the quest.
Labels: Geek Gurl
posted by Rae @ 15:05
------------------------------
He used Forest 6 and Sage 4 with Long Wear Cream Shadow Sandy Gold 04 as base (he chose cream cos my eyelids tend to be oily), Beige 17 as the highlight and Graphite 15 eyeliner. I was a bit apprehensive when he suggested green but hey, it worked on me. And the magic thing that made the makeup pops is the Eye Brightener which doubles as an instant concealer. It's my favorite thing right now. I opted out foundation and powder cos they do funky stuff to my skin. Blusher is my own The Body Shop Cheek Colour 10 Sweet Nutmeg. One trick I learned to pop the cheeks out is to apply all the way to the temple. Lips are discontinued The Body Shop Lipstick 07 and Bobbi Brown Metallic Lip Color Beige Gold 5, another personal favorite.
